Personal

Lent Recap

Posted on 04/25/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Honesty, Personal, Spiritual | Leave a comment

By a show of hands, how many of you knew that Lent was 47 days?

Okay you can put your hand down now & that goes for me too!

After about 30 days of participating in a Lenten fast, I started to do some math and realized I would be about a week short of Easter if I only fasted from sugar for 40 days. I was confused. I thought Lent was 40 days? Well as it turns out Lent is 40 days, but during a 47 day period in which you are supposed to “rest” on the sabbath. That means if you are fasting from something you can eat it every Sunday! I had no idea! I had been fasting including the Sundays for the first 30+ days. Just goes to show you how much I paid attention during certain Bible classes in college. In light of the new information I decided to fast for the full 47 days rather than change part way through.

THE PRACTICAL:

In 47 days I consumed 1,283 grams of sugar or 2.82 pounds of natural and artificial sugar. I am sure that my calculations are off slightly for each day, so it would be safe to assume that I consumed under 1350 grams of sugar or just short of 3 pounds of sugar. In the 6 days prior to Lent I consumed just over 1,200 grams of sugar! I went from terribly unhealthy to healthy & balanced. I was able to scale back from 200 grams of sugar a day to just 27.3!

The obvious side effect of my change in diet was a result in significant weight loss. I weighed 199.9 on the first day of Lent. I weighed 186.4 on the last morning. The total weight lost 13.5 pounds. With about 2 weeks to go my weight was actually 183.7 for a total of 16.2 pounds lost, but the last two weeks have been such whirlwind that I have not been able to workout and have been eating my stress.

THE PLAN:

The plan was to eat sugars differently. The goal was to find time to read 45 minutes per day. With better levels of energy and a depth to my reading, my personal hope was that I would develop my relationships and cultivate friendships around me in light of the newness of what God had done in my life.

THE RESULTS:

I succeeded in eating sugar differently and it made me feel a lot more energetic. As a result of the change in diet (the first few days were rough) my attitude improved as well as my outlook on life. I felt a passion and restlessness for the great things of life like I hadn’t felt in a long time. Things were looking up and was excited to see what God would do in my life during Lent.

I was able to finish two books, Love Wins by Rob Bell & Soulprint by Mark Batterson and I am most of the way through three other books: Running the Spiritual Path, Wooden, & King’s Cross. I have really enjoyed getting back to reading and devouring books like I did before Alexis was born. Through the first 35 days I was right on target with reading 45 minutes a day during Lent.

THE CHANGE:

Lent was an amazing and encouraging journey until the last 12 days. I was drawing closer to God, my wife and my friends and enjoying the plan I had laid out; but our plans are not always God’s plans. On April 13, Sean Drozd, Ashley’s brother passed away and life took a different path. The sugar fast became harder to concentrate on and the reading plan fell off the to do list all together. Around the same time Alexis started teething and caught a cold. Sleep eluded me, diet didn’t matter anymore and surviving the ups and downs of each day became the only priority.

THE RECAP:

Lent started with a couple goals and I feel great that I was able to accomplish some of those goals by reading more, eating healthier and finding more positive energy. However, when Lent started one of the last things on my mind was what God sacrificed when He sent His son to the cross to die for our sin. I knew that was what Lent was about, but it was far from my goal to reflect upon. “Maybe around Easter I will think about that.” I said to myself.

Yet, at the end of Lent God’s sacrifice is the only thing I can think about. Jesus death was illuminated by the loss of Ashley’s brother. Putting myself in Ashley’s shoes or her parent’s role was a difficult and emotional task. What would happen if I lost my brother? What would happen if I lost my child? How would I react? What emotions would I experience? I can’t even imagine if I was asked to sacrifice my only child: I couldn’t do it.

Yet God did. For you. For me. For everyone.

Lent has been an emotional journey with extreme highs and tremendous lows but when it drew to a close on Resurrection Day I was flooded with emotion. God’s sacrifice trumps all the pain and heartache, all the sin and suffering, all the ups and downs. God gave so that we could live. I am so thankful for the sacrifice and although I know that there will be plenty of hard days to come I can walk confidently into the future knowing that God loves me so much that he makes all things new!

When It’s Your Turn

Posted on 04/14/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

A few weeks ago I posted about: what is the hardest thing you have endured? A few days later we watched and prayed for some friends who went through a horrible tragedy with the loss of their unborn daughter and the near death moments with the mother. Life is fragile and with any given day or any given moment the pendulum can swing in your direction.

Yesterday was our turn.

My father in law Frank has a older son from a previous marriage, Sean. Without expectation and without any warning at the age of 44, Sean Drozd passed away yesterday afternoon at his home in Venice Beach California.

Shock . . . Heartache . . . Sadness . . .

They charge in like a lion on the hunt. You never saw them coming and there is nothing you can do to stop them. Overwhelmed by the news my heart aches for my wife. During a period of Ashley’s life in Junior and High school her brother move out to Las Vegas and lived with them. Ashley and Sean built a special connection that will never be forgotten.

I will always remember the first time I met Sean when we went to Venice. He looked right at Ashley and said, “I really like this guy!” Sean’s positive attitude and energy were infectious! He always had a way of making you laugh and feel better about yourself. Although, Sean wasn’t always a great person and caused plenty of heartache for many that knew him in his past, but the Sean Drozd that I knew brought a smile to my face and will always be remember that way.

In January we were able to visit Sean and he was able to meet his niece for the first time. I am sad for Alexis that she will not ever get to know her Uncle Sean because he would have been a great friend and uncle to her.

We never know when it will be our turn to endure the hard stuff of life so in this time we are turning to God, our small group of friends, and our families to draw the strength we need to walk through the hard stuff of life. Over the next few days we will all be sorting through the pain and heartache, but I know that favorite memories and moments will emerge, however; right now it doesn’t take away the shock, the pain and the heartache for Ashley and her family. Sean was survived by his grandmother Gerda, his mother Angela, his father Frank, stepmother Pam and sister Ashley. Please keep each and every one of them in your prayers as the shock of what has happened settles in each of their lives differently. Pray that God’s peace will transcend all of the pain and heartache and comfort all of them in their time of loss and grief.

Creating Doubt

Posted on 03/30/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Honesty, Personal, Spiritual | 2 Comments

Lately I have been thinking a lot about . . . DOUBT.

Do you think it is healthy for churches, pastors or Christians in general to engage in conversations that create doubt? I think that this whole hullabaloo about Rob Bell‘s book Love Wins, will cause some who read it to doubt things that they have been taught about the Christian faith or its traditions. I believe that at times during Bell’s book he creates a doubt in the mind of the reader, at least he did for me. Is this irresponsible of him? Or is it okay to engage people in conversations that create doubt?

It has often been said to me and to others that “God is bigger than all of your doubts and questions.” If that is really true, then is it unhealthy to create a conversation of doubt about a certain part of the Christian faith or Christian traditions? Is any level of doubt healthy?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

What is the hardest thing you have endured?

Posted on 03/14/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

What is the hardest thing you have ever endured? Did you choose this thing or was it inflicted upon you?

In recent days I have not lived through anything remotely difficult, but I have been a viewer of three different types of events that have got me thinking. Although drastically different the events that I have seen transpire over the last few days have left me wondering what is the hardest thing I have endured through and at the end of my life what is the hardest thing I will have lived through.

On Thursday when the coverage of the earthquake in Japan and subsequent tsunami damage started airing on the late evening news I was struck with an overwhelming sense of heart ache for the people of Japan. I can not imagine what it would be like to live through an event of such magnitude. I have a really hard time relating to the people of Turkey, New Zealand, Haiti and recently Japan because I have never had to survive something so difficult. The death, destruction and devastation are nearly impossible for me to imagine.

On Friday I watched a documentary called, Running the Sahara. Three friends from around the globe decided to run across Northern Africa specifically the Sahara Desert. Their journey took 111 days and they ran over 4,300 miles or the equivalent of 170 marathons without taking a day off. The statistics of the event are so ridiculous that I can’t even process what they had to endure. The longest solo hike I have ever done is 43 miles. That is how much these guys averaged everyday for 111 straight days! I can’t even wrap my mind around the distance let alone the physical elements of heat, cold, sandstorms, etc that they ran through. These three guys have done something that I will never be able to relate too and it has to be one of the most difficult self-inflicted things I have ever heard of.

Lastly, on Sunday night my wife and I watched the movie Life as We Know It. During the movie the parents of a one year old are tragically killed and they leave their daughter to be cared for by their two best friends who absolutely loathe each other but eventually fall in love. The movie has some great quotes and has a few moments that made us laugh as parents, but the majority of the movie my wife and I were bawling. I can not fathom what it would be like if I lost Ashley or Alexis. Scratch that, I don’t even want to imagine. Although a fictional movie it left us both with an overwhelming sense of trust in God and a sadness for those who have had to endure such tragic events.

I don’t know if I really want to know what the answer to the question: at the end of my life what will be the hardest thing I had to endure? I don’t think I want to know that question because I know that I would not be prepared to hear the answer. God knows what is going to happen in the future and he knows the hardships we will all have to endure. After the last few days and the things I have seen my faith and trust in God has been increased and I have an overwhelming sense of peace this morning knowing that God is in control and that my life is in His hands.

3 principles to help your relationships grow

Posted on 02/14/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day can be a touchy subject for many people. The expectation of a bored spouse, the emptiness of being single, or the anticipation of young love can all lead to heartache and pain. All three of the scenarios are hard to deal with in their own way. I am so grateful that I haven’t had to deal with being a bored spouse and I pray that my relationship with Ashley will always be maintained so that we will never be bored with our love for one another. Of all the three brief ideas listed above I used to experience the emptiness of being alone the most.

Honestly I am not very good at relationships. I have made my share of mistakes in dating, friendship and life. I have burned a lot of bridges and scarred a lot of people along the road of my life. I am not proud of any of it and for some things I wish I could do it all over. But there are a few things I learned while traveling the rocky road of relationships. Four years ago I was at the bottom of the barrel when it came to relationships. I had spent a year running from God and I was all alone living in Park City. I mean I knew some of my co-workers and had some friends, but I lacked relationships that had any depth.

That was all about to change.

In the beginning of 2007 I felt like God was prompting me to really trust Him. I posted a video blog in 2007 where I talked about something amazing coming. I knew I needed to surrender my desire to control and God would respond to his promise. God came through big time! It was only seven weeks into 2007 or four years ago today (February 14,2007) that I moved from Park City to Las Vegas because of the anticipation of young love. I had met the one and I wanted to be around her. Ashley swooped into my world and the stars aligned and the world of relationships came into focus. Sure life hasn’t been perfect every step of the way, but today it is. God has brought us down an amazing road of love, grace and togetherness. I am so thankful everyday for the love that my wife and I share and the relationship we have.

The depth of Ashley and I’s relationship is directly related to some of the things I have learned along the way. On Valentine’s day I would love to share with you a few principles that I try to continue to live out and the key principles that have lead me to a deeper relationship with Ashley:

Stop trying to find the one: be the one! I don’t mean this in a narcissistic way, but rather many of us spend a lot time trying to date (or marry?) the right type of people but once we are in the relationship we find out all their garbage (or they find out all of our garbage) and we bail on them (or they bail on us). I found that if I spend more time on becoming the best version of me on the inside and the outside, God will bring the right person along that is doing the same thing for themselves. After four years with Ashley I am still trying to improve myself daily and become the one. I can’t be married to a Queen if I am not a King. I spent far to many days as a court jester trying to marry a Queen and not enough time trying to be act like a King.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I was absolutely terrible at this in the past. Everyday with Ashley is a chance to learn to share my thoughts, feelings and dreams. I am so thankful for how she handles my lack of communication and helps me learn to talk things out better every day. My advice to everyone is: continue to cultivate your communication skills. Relationships hinge on our ability to talk with each other, if you are terrible at communication you are going to be terrible at relationships.

Never stop pursuing. I have to admit that this might be the thing I struggle with the most. I think a lot of men do. The love of your life deserves to be pursued. Not just during the dating or engagement period either, they deserve to be pursued everyday for the rest of your life. I remember when Ashley and I were dating and I did everything I could to pursue her. I would do all the little things to make her feel loved, desired and special. Once we got married, had a baby, and now as the years go by I tend to pursue her less and less. This is one of the most important areas that I need to work on in our relationship. How I treat Ashley is the model for my daughter to create an expectation on how she should be treated by men someday. I want to set the bar really high because I want the best for Alexis and I believe that my wife deserves the best from me. I encourage all of you, but men especially to never stop pursuing your significant other.

A few simple principles that I needed to be reminded of on Valentine’s Day. I hope that you use today as platform on how you should value, respect and love your significant relationships in your life everyday.

What I have learned from Jud Wilhite

Posted on 02/02/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | 8 Comments

When I moved to Las Vegas in 2007 I had never heard of Central Christian Church or its pastor Jud Wilhite. In fact, I had never been in a multi-site church let alone heard of one. Even though most of my previous five years was spent visiting churches across the country doing seminars and concerts a majority of those events were held in Baptist, Assembly of God, Evangelical Free and other denominational churches. When I started at Central I attended the Summerlin Campus was with my girlfriend (now wife) as she was volunteering in the kids areas on Sundays.

To be honest I never really knew I was missing anything because to me Summerlin was my church. Although the idea of the Pastor on a video screen was new to me it was that much different from the previous few years and all the conferences and seminars I was in charge of. It wasn’t until a few months after starting at Central that I came to the Henderson Campus for a First Wednesday service that I even found out they had a bookstore or coffee shop. Eventually after about six months after starting at the Summerlin Campus the job opening in the bookstore became available.

Just over two and a half years ago I took over the Two42 Bookstore and it has been an amazing journey. I mentioned on Monday some of the things I have learned since running the store. During my time running the store I have had the privilege of partnering and learning under the leadership of Jud Wilhite our Senior Pastor at Central. Today I wanted to hit on four things I have learned from Jud over the years:

No one is outside the reach of grace. Most pastors have a core message that they pass on in every sermon and throughout their years of ministry. Pastor Jud is no different. Cut this guy open and he will bleed grace. Romans 5:20 says, “God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.” Jud is the epitome of grace. He breathes this message day in and day out. There is no more greater consistency in his life than the idea that grace knows no limits and is available to anyone no matter what they have done or been through. No one is outside the reach of grace.

It’s okay to say no. Jud is a rockstar. With a church of over 20,000 attendees on a regular weekend and over 30,000 for special events it easy to become the focal point and the figure head for a large organization. Jud is well known and well liked throughout Las Vegas. However, rarely do you see Jud at all the church functions and events. Why? Jud lives a balanced and healthy life. Jud’s family is his first ministry and he prioritizes his life that way. I can’t recall what it was but one time when I first came on staff I was super bummed that Jud didn’t make time for something important to me, but later I came to find out that he spent that time with kids at home. As a first time dad, I resonate with Jud and desire to be a great husband and father. Jud is both. I am sure that there are plenty of times where he stumbles around as a dad and husband, but he lives a much healthier life than 80% of pastors I know because he sets healthy boundaries and manages his life well.

I am important. Jud is not my best friend, in fact there are some months when I might only see him once or say hi in passing. I don’t hang out with him and watch the Cowboys lose, nor have I visited the man cave. But when my life was at a tipping point and it was all about to come crashing down, Jud made time for me. He opened his doors and welcomed me in. He prayed with me, he counseled me, he listened to me when I needed him to. As a young man I have been burned by many of my mentors and male influencers, I never knew I was worth their time. Jud helped me in my greatest hour of need and I will never forget that nor will I ever take advantage of that.

Stick with what you know. In the four years that I have been attending Central there are about a half a dozen sermon series that have been repackaged 3 or 4 times. New branding, new graphics and new title doesn’t change what the core value of the message is. Jud sticks to what he knows: grace. No matter what subject we repackage or rebrand, whether finances, relationships, evangelism, or personal growth, it always come back to a core message: it’s okay to not be okay so long as you don’t stay that way.

Jud Wilhite is a great pastor and a great leader. I considerate a blessing and a privilege to sit under his leadership and serve alongside him. God’s grace grabbed him from an addiction many years ago and he has taken God’s story in his life and allowed God to use it to change hundreds and thousands of lives around the world. I am so thankful for the friendship I have with Jud and even more grateful for his leadership in my life. If you haven’t ever listened to Jud speak or read any of his books I high recommend that you pick some up soon.

What I have learned from being Lexi’s Dad

Posted on 02/01/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | 3 Comments

A little under 18 months ago when I found out I was going to be a father my heart soared with anxiety, with joy and with trepidation. Would I be a good dad? Would I be a better parent than my parents? Would I be there when my child needed me most? I played the what if game over and over in my head for the months leading up to my daughters birth.

On April 26th that all changed. I went from playing what if to playing what now? All my fears and anxiety quickly flipped to panic and questions. What do you do in this situation? How do you get a baby to sleep in a crib? What does it mean if they do this when they eat, etc. I was all questions and no experience. I was rough around the edges and learning every second what it meant to be a parent.

Nine months have gone by since that amazing day. I have had my share of ups and downs during the first part of Lexi’s life. I am no expert on parenting now anymore than I was when she was born. However I now have a few months of experience behind me and here are four things I have learned from being Lexi’s daddy so far:

Every baby is different. Well isn’t that the most obvious statement ever? Yes. But here is why, every body and their sister wants to give you advice on how to raise your child, handle a situation or deal with a problem. Classically it usually starts with, “Well my spouse and I did (fill in the blank with any and all crazy ideas) with our child and it worked great.” Thanks for the input, but to be honest, I never really asked for it. When I want your advice I will approach you for it. I don’t need to be telemarketed on your parenting style, I have my own style because every baby is different.

Sleep is a privilege not a right. Parenting equals sacrifice, the number one thing you sacrifice is sleep. Although I used to think I needed 8 hours a night to operate in a healthy manner this was an ideal that was far from normal with a baby in the house. It is almost as if you could put sleep on scale with the age of the child: 1-2 months old = 1-2 hours of sleep at a time. 3-6 months old = 3-6 hours of sleep at a time. Since Alexis turned 6 months old I have been able to catch up on sleep but on any given night (like last night) I realize that sleep is overrated and the needs of my child come first.

Nothing is as painful as seeing your child hurt. I separated my shoulder snowboarding a few years ago and the pain from that is barely anything compared to seeing your child hurt. Whether Alexis is sick, teething or hurt from falling down my heart just aches to know that she is hurting. I know that it will only get more intense as she gets older, but seeing your child in pain is possibly the worst feeling I have ever felt.

Nothing brings me greater joy than Alexis. I love my wife more than anything in the world, but honestly she would agree that our daughter brings us the greatest joy in life. Her adorable smile, beautiful face and amazing personality melt my heart many times each day. I am so blessed to be her dad and I am always so excited to get home from work to see her face light up when I come through the door.

I have always desired to be a great dad. I am trying my best at it and most days I think I am doing a pretty good job. I guess one day down the road we will find out how I am doing but in the mean time I am going to soak up every second I can with my growing daughter because like all the advice I received unwillingly from friends and family, they were right on one thing: they grow up way to fast!

Language of the Jackass

Posted on 01/19/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Honesty, Personal | 8 Comments

When I was growing up I attended Spring Lake Wesleyan Church. The first sermon of every new year, our senior Pastor Dennis Jackson would preach a very familiar sermon. The premise of the sermon was that we should pick a word for that year. We should ask God to give us a word to study, to learn about, and a word to apply to our life. I never took much stock in this practice when I was younger, but as I get older and think more about resolutions and life change I recall back to those familiar sermons often.

After spending the last week of December and the first week of January praying about what I should make my word for the year, I landed on one very difficult word: surrender. 2011 is the year of surrender. Surrendering my pride, my way, my hurts, my habits and my hang-ups. I have been working on this process for a few years now, but I finally feel like I am in a place where I need to let it all go and step fully into freedom.

Funny thing about the word surrender, it is kind of like patience. God doesn’t just give you patience, he gives you the opportunity to practice patience. God doesn’t give you surrender, but rather he gives you the opportunity to practice surrendering yourself. 2011 started out with a lot of hope and promise. I was going to surrender myself and rely on God. I was going to give up the need to be right and learn from others. I was going to . . . but the more I think about the surrender, the more closely I clutch the practice to my heart and become increasingly stubborn.

My wife is sick and very contagious. Since I am on baby duty this week I am doing the best I can to avoid my wife. But the only thing that has happened is that we have created a void. I miss my wife. I miss holding her hand, kissing her and sleeping next to her. I miss her touch. Because of this void that we have created my wife and I had the following conversation:

Ashley: “Looks like your love language is changing to physical touch.”

Benji: “My love language will never change, my love language is that I need to be right.”

Ashley: “Sounds like the love language of a jackass”

Benji: “Exactly. It is the love language of all men. The need to be right”

A raw but truthful moment in the Zimmerman household. Being right is the language of the jackass. The language of surrender, giving up the need to be right, is the language of someone who is growing, learning and healthy. I would rather be the latter than the former, problem is that God has given me the opportunities time and again this year to surrender my old self, my old pride and my old ways for a new and better life, but I keep clinging to the old me. I know that I am really hard on myself because I want the best life I can have, but it all comes with the surrendering of the self that is worthless, negative and fighting to be right.

Surrender isn’t easy, but it still the word for 2011. How about you? Do you struggle surrendering things? What would be your world for 2011?

Desperate

Posted on 01/07/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Honesty, Personal | Leave a comment

I am desperate. For what, you might ask? I am desperate to feel valuable. I am desperate to be noticed. I am desperate to be somebody.

Pluck the guitar, write a book, speak from a stage: what would it take for me to become somebody who is valued? We are all valued for something, sometimes it is the wrong thing we are valued for. What will it take for you to be valued by others? I think if we are all honest, I mean really raw with each other, that this question: am I valuable? Or a form of this question: am I lovable? Am I wanted? Am I needed? is the fundamental question that all of us are asking in our actions, motivations, moral choices and lifestyles. We are all desperate for the affirmation that we are somebody.

To be honest, lately I have been wrestling with whether or not I am valuable. I am desperate to be somebody. My desperation to be noticed is driven by selfish motivations and is not rooted in the healthy knowledge that God created me unique and special. If there is one thing that I fear the church and parents fail often at, it is developing a healthy sense of self worth in people. Most individuals are desperate and most are desperate for the same thing: value.

My drive to feel valuable has driven me to climb mountains, run races, travel the world, place bets, and even hide in isolation. Yet the thing I have thought about the least when it comes to feeling valuable has been to surrender my need to feel valuable. My selfish nature hasn’t allowed me to surrender . . .

. . . but I must surrender.

In the two years of this blog, we have visited this conversation before. I might not have come out and said it in as many words, but I am desperate to feel valuable. And despite previous conversations related to this subject the one thing I haven’t tried is turning over my will and pride to God. After years of kicking and flailing about trying to make my own way, God has slowly narrowed my options. Now the only option I have is to surrender. This is my prayer for 2011:

Heavenly Father,

I come to you today, just as I am. I surrender all my strengths and weaknesses, vices and virtues, hopes and fears, successes and failures, faith and doubt.

I cast all my fear and anxiety and insecurity upon you, trusting that you will do your part, trusting that you will show me what my part is (if any), and trusting that all things will work together for good – because I love you, and because I am called according to your purpose.

I receive your mercy, grace, and love into my life. Please help me to extend it to myself and others as well.

Please give me the wisdom to know your will for me, the willingness to accept it, and the courage and strength to do it. I need your help in each of these ways, for I can not do any of them on my own. Give me what I need for today -physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No more. No less. May I live today with a heightened sense of your presence. May I catch glimpses of the eternal in all things. May I be aware of, and listen to, the promptings of your Holy Spirit. I place my life completely and unreservedly in your hands, and trust that you will not let anything happen to me outside of your will for me.

I ask these things in the name and the power and the authority of Jesus Christ, my savior and friend.

Amen

Prayer borrowed from this website.

The giant will never win.

Posted on 01/03/2011 by Benji Zimmerman Posted in Personal | 1 Comment

Lost in the abyss there lies a sleeping giant capable of more destruction than a chaotic heart has ever known. The sleeping giant can not be ignored but that is precisely what has happened. The sleeping giant is no longer asleep and he is growing restless. He is looking for a way out. No matter where the giant lurks he will only finds more darkness because giants like him were not meant to live in the light, only in the depth of the hidden soul. Clawing and gnawing the giant tries to break out of his dungeon. The more he shakes the depths of the darkness the more courage he has to break out of his cage. Shaking the dust off the walls the giant tries with all his might to break out of his defeated prison.

The giant will never see the light. The giant will never break out of his prison, out of his cage, or out of the darkness. The giant will never win.

If . . .

. . . the man chooses to search his soul.

. . . the man chooses to shine the light into the darkness.

. . . the man looks in the mirror and addresses his weaknesses.

. . . the man chooses to seek help for the demons that lie within.

. . . the man turns over his will and surrenders.

. . . only if.