Paralyzed By Fear
A German proverb says, “Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.”
Fear is an elusive emotion that shows up when we don’t want it to and haunts us in our weakest moments. I have been afraid of many things through the course of my life but I have never been afraid of snowboarding. That is until this week.
In December of 2006 I had an accident in the terrain park of The Canyons Resort in Park City Utah. I was hauled off the mountain by ski patrol and eventually underwent surgery that added two protein screws and a ligament from a cadaver to my shoulder as well as removing one inch of my clavicle bone. The picture from surgery is quite intense.
The first winter after the injury is when I finally had my surgery. The second winter after the injury things were not good on the home front so I never made it out to the snow. Finally this winter after a bit of bugging and begging I was able to get out & go snowboarding. This past week we headed out to Brian Head Utah for a quick two day trip. The plan was for me to go snowboarding for back to back days at the highest resort in Utah while my wife enjoyed some extra sleep.
The drive went fast but along the way somewhere we picked up a hitchhiker named FEAR. He was a very unwelcome guest.
On Wednesday morning when I walked out of our hotel and over to the lifts my heart began to race. Actually my heart pounded so hard I could swear people were looking at me funny because they could hear it. Why was my heart racing? I was overwhelmed with fear. Strapped in I loaded the chair lift for my first run of the day. The whole ride up the mountain my heart began to pound harder and I was on the verge of tears. I know what you are thinking, “Come on Benji, tears? It is just snowboarding!” I agree completely. I don’t know how it happened but fear overcame me and I was paralyzed.
To be completely honest: I wanted off the lift. I wanted to go home.
In his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years author Donald Miller says, “The greatest stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.” Honestly, I want to have great stories, but even more than that, I want to live a great life. Riding up the chair lift I knew I was giving in to my fears. I needed to kick this hitchhiker out of my life.
As I crested the top of the mountain and readied myself to get off the chair lift the two people in front of me slid off their seats and fell down. Without time to think, I reacted and road off the lift and around the fallen riders. Just like that my fear was gone. “I can still do this” I said to myself out loud without regard to who might hear me. I strapped in my other foot and road down the mountain with a smile on my face and an excitement in my heart that reminded me of days gone by.
Fear can leave us paralyzed, but getting beyond our fears can bring us to a place of absolute sweetness. What fear do you need to overcome to find your sweet spot?
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